


Increasing

by PartridgeOnAPearTree



Series: Transversal [20]
Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Academic Pressure, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 13:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6425269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PartridgeOnAPearTree/pseuds/PartridgeOnAPearTree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He clenches his fists and storms outside of their dorm room, ignoring Komaeda’s voice calling after him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Increasing

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe it's already April where I am...  
> So yeah, this will be Transversal's last chapter. University is starting to require my full attention, and I'm having a difficult time juggling things to do. You can DM me at Twitter @irl_junko or send me an ask in Tumblr at partridgeonapeartree if you're interested to know what would have happened.
> 
> Also, I left a secret message somewhere in this chapter. Make sure to find it!
> 
> EDIT: [April 2nd, 2016] That was a joke. This isn't Transversal's latest chapter. Things are far from over. :-) I left the secret message untouched here, but it won't be relevant anymore if you're going to read past April 1st, haha. :D

Hinata pockets the pen that Naegi gave him as soon as he entered the room.

 

Naegi mentioned something about being in the testing area early would help him become even more relaxed because he’d be familiar with his surroundings that way, but right now, Hinata can’t deny that his nervousness seems to just get amplified with each second.

 

It wasn’t an overly wide room—it just has the same size with their classroom, actually—but sitting on a solitary chair in the middle of the room, and not to mention, being alone, makes him feel like the space doubled in size. And despite feeling that way, somehow, when he stares too hard at the walls, it’s as if they're ready to close in on him, to gobble him up before even taking the test, to doom him to fail.

 

Ah, he can’t believe this.

 

If he keeps this up, his mind might not work later when his answer sheet arrives.

 

_It will be over before you even know it._

_I'm sure that you'll be feeling relieved after._

Hinata makes sure to hold on to the memory of Komaeda’s soothing voice telling him those supportive things. If he wants a good result, after all, he has to clear his mind and actually relax himself. Being this nervous won’t help him at all.

 

He runs his hand on his pocket to feel the pen from Naegi—

 

Wait.

 

Wait, no.

 

It’s not from Naegi.

 

It’s from Komaeda.

 

( _Naegi’s just lending_ )—no, it’s really from Komaeda.

 

He wonders if it would be bad if he allows himself to fantasize even just a bit right now.

 

The pen is from Komaeda.

 

Komaeda personally wished him luck today before Hinata went to the testing room.

 

Komaeda told him that they’ll hang out after this test, that Hinata is talented to the point of not having to rely on luck, that Komaeda enjoys being with him—and he told Hinata these things today. This morning. A few minutes ago.

 

Komaeda doesn’t mind even if Hinata was hiding all along that he was from the Reserve Course. He doesn’t care about the fact that Hinata had no talent. And if Hinata tells him that he likes him, Komaeda will smile happily and say that he feels the same way—

 

Wait, wait, that’s going too far.

 

He feels the inexplicable need to stab his own hand with a pen.

 

He's going too far with his fantasies.

 

The pen is from Naegi. It’s Komaeda’s gift to Naegi, and Naegi’s just lending it to him. It’s not directly from Komaeda. If anything, Komaeda probably doesn’t even have the slightest clue that the pen is currently with Hinata.

 

Komaeda didn’t personally wish him luck before going to the testing area. The one who did that was Naegi, not Komaeda.

 

Komaeda told him that they’ll hang out after this test, that Hinata is talented to the point of not having to rely on luck, that Komaeda enjoys being with him—yes, these are true, but he didn’t tell Hinata these things today. Not this morning. Not a few minutes ago.

 

Komaeda told him those things last night.

 

Komaeda would be disgusted if he finds out that Hinata was from the Reserve Course. He's also disgusted with the fact that Hinata has no talent.

 

And if Hinata tells him that he likes him, Komaeda would frown, displeased, and say that Hinata is disgusting and that it would be best if he never ever talks to Komaeda again.

 

Hinata’s nervousness is gone.

 

Who knew that thinking about that would be effective?

 

Right now, he can’t even feel nervous anymore.

 

All he's feeling is emptiness that’s being threatened to be filled with despair.

 

\--

  
“Hinata Hajime-kun?” The researcher enters the room.

 

Hinata just looks up, giving a small nod to show that he's listening.

 

“Let me brief you with some details that were not told to you yesterday.” The researcher speaks again upon seeing that Hinata was paying attention. “None of us will accompany you in this room to ensure that no outside variable will influence whatever you are going to do with your answers. However, I will be going here whenever the time allotted for a subtest is over to give you a new test booklet and take the previous one.”

 

Hinata nods again.

 

“Do you have a pencil with you?” The researcher asks. “You have to use a pencil for the test.”

 

Hinata blinks.

 

It takes a while before the panic sets in. He runs his hand again against his pocket where Komaeda’s pen was as if a pencil will magically appear inside. He takes his bag that was placed on the floor beside his chair, rummaging through the pockets even if he knows full well that he only had pens with him.

 

He was already holding all his pens in one hand as he continues to search his bag with his free hand even if the action is futile.

 

A feeling of dread washes over him when he hears the researcher sigh.

 

Will they call off the test now? Will they decide that he has already failed because of this?

 

“Since we make it  point to follow schedules unless in cases of emergency, then fine, I will allow you to use those pens that you most…” The researcher was eyeing the five pens in his hand. “…diligently packed. Anyway, continuing—you are not allowed to ask us any questions regarding the test. We have made sure to make the test simple so that even you can understand it, Hinata-kun.”

 

Hinata would have retorted something, but the panic that rummaging for a pencil through his pencil-less bag gave him still has its remnants in him.

 

“The first subtest is Mathematics.” The researcher hands him a test booklet and an answer sheet. “I will return after an hour and a half to get this test booklet and replace it with the next one… Now that that is taken care of, let me wish you good luck.

 

“After all, I know that failure is not an option for you.”

 

\--

 

Hinata takes one of his five pens, placing the remaining ones on a single line on his armchair. His nervousness was back now that he's confronting the real deal, and he finds his hand slightly shaking as he writes his own name on the blank provided at the top of the paper.

 

He opens the test booklet after, telling himself to stop shaking because he’ll just do something wrong if that continues, and when he sees the first question, he felt the need to let out a bitter chuckle.

 

_What do you call the line that passes through two parallel lines?_

He doesn’t even need to look at the rest of the choices to know because that topic is too ridiculously familiar to him.

 

\--

 

The moment Hinata’s done shading his answer for the final item of the Mathematics subtest, the researcher goes in the door again. He slightly flinches—he was off guard, after all, because he doesn’t have a watch to give him a sense of time—upon realizing that he has no time anymore to review his answers.

 

“Time is up, Hinata-kun.” Hinata hands the Math test booklet to him. “Up next is Language. The back part of your answer sheet is empty because that is the space allotted for your essay. Good luck, Hinata-kun.”

 

When Hinata receives the Language subtest, he fumbles with the pen that he was using and realizes that he has completely forgotten to use the pen that Komaeda owns.

 

He knows that Komaeda doesn’t even have a clue that the pen is with him right now, but…

 

_I believe that Komaeda-kun would want me to lend you this for this test, so… please use it, Hinata-kun._

He takes the pen from his pocket anyway, putting his previous pen on the line of pens that he has made before, even if his thoughts chastise him for being impudent.

 

His hold on the pen tightens as he gets ready to answer the Language subtest.

 

He’ll allow himself to fantasize just this once.

 

He’ll allow himself to think that Komaeda is here with him, cheering him on, and telling him that he can do this.

 

\--

 

Each time Hinata clears a subtest, it feels like a thorn is being removed from his back. That’s why as soon as he reaches the final item for Logic, the final subtest, he just knows that the breath that he let out that time was genuinely relieved.

 

The test was easier than he expected.

 

There are a few items that are completely unfamiliar to him though, despite the amount of reading that he has done, but he can’t really be bothered by them right now. His mind was actually focusing on the good side, questions to which he knows the answers, and he wants to cherish the feeling because it’s rare for him to focus on the positive side.

 

A piece of paper slides in from under the door, and Hinata furrows his eyebrows, confused.

 

He has been expecting a lot of things to happen, but a sliding paper wasn’t part of it.

 

Deciding to go to the paper and satisfy his curiosity because he actually already is done with answering the final subtest, he walks over to it slowly as if it were actually an explosive in disguise somehow. It wouldn’t be good, after all, if it just explodes. Not now when he's done with answering everything.

 

_Hinata-kun, just leave your paper on the desk in the middle of the room and place any paperweight on it. An emergency has come up, and we all have to go. We apologize for the inconvenience, but rest assured that we already would have your paper checked by tomorrow afternoon._

Hinata blinks.

 

He wasn’t expecting a sliding paper, but he wasn’t expecting a sliding paper saying _this_ even more.

 

What do they mean by ‘desk in the middle of the room’? Are they pertaining to the desk in the middle of the faculty room, or do they mean the room that Hinata is currently in?

 

He inspects his surroundings again even if he has been here for seven hours already.

 

The desk that he used was indeed in the middle of the room, but it was also the only desk inside. Since that’s the case, it would be sufficient to say to just leave it ‘on the desk’ without specifying it to be in the middle of the room… so Hinata guesses that it would be wrong to leave it here.

 

He carries his paper, looking it over even if he already has stood up and has broken his momentum of answering, and he walks out the door with the same insecurity that he has in this entire matter regarding his talent… or lack thereof, more appropriately speaking.

 

The testing room that he used is actually inside one of Hope’s Peak’s Offices. He was expecting to see the too many researchers scurrying about when he exits the room that he was in earlier, but now, there was only one person inside, and that person even looks like he was about to exit.

 

It was Matsuda Yasuke. The moment he sees Hinata though, he stops, his usually seemingly judgmental expression equipped. Hinata doesn’t know why, but Matsuda always makes him feel like his entire being is being exposed and criticized. It must be the unfriendly quirk of his eyebrow, Hinata thinks.

 

“Uh, hey, Matsuda.” Hinata greets. He knows he's being awkward, but he really can’t do anything about it. Matsuda doesn’t really make him feel like it’s easy to converse, after all. “Where did everyone go?”

 

Matsuda looks at him as if he asked a painfully stupid question. “I don’t know where they went exactly, but that’s not really our concern. Didn’t you read the paper I slipped to you?”

 

“Ah, that was from you?”

 

Seems that was a stupid question too judging from Matsuda’s facial expression. “I thought you might do something stupid like stay in there and wait for someone to call you, so I thought I should slip in the message they left for you. That’s all, I'm going now.”

 

Matsuda seems like he's always not in the mood to socialize with anyone, so Hinata just lets him go in peace. At least he was kind enough to put the note somewhere Hinata would see. After all, Hinata can’t exactly deny that statement about him ‘doing something stupid’ like never leaving the room until someone calls him.

 

What Hinata didn’t expect to happen was for Matsuda to come back shortly, still with that unfriendly expression. “Right. I heard Naegi lent you a pen. They asked me to take the pen from you so I can return it instead.”

 

“Uh, sure.” Hinata takes out the pen that he used from his pocket. “Who are ‘they’?”

 

Matsuda narrows his eyes at the question upon taking the pen and pocketing it too, but he doesn’t say anything to address the query. Matsuda does go away this time, and despite Hinata’s confusion, he decides to just ignore what happened.

 

He looks at the entirety of the room again, scans for a desk that fits the description of ‘desk in the middle of the room’, and when he finds what he's looking for, he goes to it and places his paper on it, making sure to find an ideal paperweight.

 

It wouldn’t be good, after all, if the paper goes missing because of his negligence.

 

\--

 

Komaeda is asleep when Hinata goes home.

 

There's nothing wrong with that per se, but what was weird is that Komaeda should be in class at the moment. Maybe something happened while he was taking the test? Or is Komaeda sick with something again?

 

Earlier, this morning, Hinata remembers… Komaeda’s temperature seemed pretty normal.

 

He’d want to know so that he can at least do something helpful if ever Komaeda is indeed sick with something, but he doesn’t really have the heart to wake the other up. Especially if Komaeda finds the need to nap—he usually prefers to find something worthwhile to do, after all, because of the reasoning that ‘someone as useless as him should utilize his function as much as possible’.

 

Needless to say, that’s something Hinata disagrees with.

 

It’s just a little past noon, and now that Hinata thinks about it, it kinda is a good idea to nap too. He did wake up earlier than the usual, after all. Not to mention that he and Komaeda plan to hang out later, probably in the city near this one again, so he really should stock up on energy.

 

They don’t really hang out a lot anymore, so he shouldn’t waste that rare opportunity by being too tired later.

 

\--

 

Hinata has reached that point where he was more relieved to wake up without knowing that he dreamt of something. He has read that everyone dreams whenever they sleep, and those who claim that they don’t just don’t really remember anything.

 

He used to like dreams.

 

But now he really rather he doesn’t have any.

 

After all, it doesn’t matter if the dream is pleasant or not.

 

He wakes up feeling really horrible either way.

 

\--

 

It was two hours later when Hinata woke up from his dreamless sleep, and Komaeda still wasn’t awake. That was when he realized that he doesn’t really do anything in this room aside from study and talk to Komaeda because at the moment, he doesn’t know how to pass the time.

 

Hinata doesn’t really want to study now that the test is done.

 

All he knew was that he wanted to relax after everything, but now that the time is here, he doesn’t even know what to do.

 

He hadn’t realized that everything he wanted to do involved Komaeda.

 

He wanted to hang out in places they used to visit, play all of their favorite games, eat all the food that they used to share, take some more pictures in the photo booth they used that one time, and basically spend time together with Hinata not having to think about academics at the back of his mind.

 

It’s scary because he knows this mindset isn’t good. Thinking about a person this much and liking them this much isn’t good.

 

But it not being good isn’t enough to stop him, unfortunately.

 

And as he has stated a lot of times before, if only it was that easy, he already would have stopped a long time now.

 

\--

 

Hinata knows that it’s weird, and he can already hear Souda’s disapproving comments, but he ended up reading a textbook anyway while waiting for Komaeda to wake up. Even weirder was that there actually is a relaxing effect to read educational things like this while knowing that he isn’t really pressured anymore to do it.

 

He didn’t know that reading a Mathematics book would be his idea of relaxation while alone, but it works, so he isn’t going to complain.

 

‘ _If the limit does not exist,_ ’ the book says. ‘ _Then the discontinuity is essential._ ’

 

That particular line does make him think.

 

He really has to put a limit on everything or else he's just going to destroy himself. He has to discontinue this, it’s essential to discontinue this, but despite knowing that, he can’t even start trying properly.

 

He remembered the time when he tried, and he didn’t even last an entire day.

 

Komaeda stepped on his resolve without even trying. He just had to look up and face Hinata, give him a hesitant greeting, and that was all it took.

 

The essential discontinuity was then forgotten, and Hinata was ready to make sure his feelings will be continuous again.

 

Really, did he even try—

 

“…I'm so sorry.”

 

It doesn’t have to take more than a few moments for Hinata to realize that that was Komaeda’s voice. Maybe he was talking to someone on the phone? But Hinata hadn’t even heard him say anything else. There's no way that a phone call would start with those words right off the bat.

 

“I'm sorry…”

 

“Komaeda…?” Hinata calls out. He was on the top bunk, after all, and Komaeda was on the bottom, and it wouldn’t be good if Komaeda doesn’t even know that he's here. For all he knows, maybe Komaeda doesn’t want him to hear this, and even if the thought that Komaeda doesn’t want to confide in him hurts, he knows he’ll exit the room if that’s what Komaeda wants.

 

Komaeda doesn’t respond.

 

Hinata starts to feel increasingly worried. He remembers that unpleasant memory of Komaeda not talking to him for weeks despite all his efforts, but he immediately pushes the thought away. He knows he’ll never really forget that no matter what he does, but he just doesn’t really want to remember anymore.

 

Because the memory itself is already painful as it is, and along with it always comes the question of why Komaeda would do something like that, of why Hinata isn’t an exception, if Hinata really even matters to him at all—

 

Ah, no, he shouldn’t think of this again. He should just check on Komaeda to see what the matter is.

 

Komaeda’s eyes were closed, his eyebrows furrowed, and he was lightly shaking his head. This must be the most stressed out look that he has seen from Komaeda recently—or so far, really, he usually handle things so well, and that’s why Hinata really has no reason to see him like this—and so Hinata immediately worries.

 

He doesn’t know if it’s because he himself too has had a lot of nightmares recently, or if it’s just really the obvious in this situation, but he figures out right away that Komaeda might be having a bad dream.

 

Komaeda isn’t a horrible person like Hinata. That’s why all his dreams should be pleasant. He shouldn’t have to go through feeling horrible even during his sleep.

 

Hinata remembers when he was a child and he was having a bad dream—monsters chasing him, ghosts, zombies, typical stuff to dream about—his mother would slowly pull him up to a sitting position and embrace him. That effectively wakes him up in a way that won’t startle him, and he’d calm down quite soon because of his mom’s soothing warmth.

 

Hinata hopes he can be a soothing presence to Komaeda too because that’s exactly what the latter is to him.

 

And so he sits on Komaeda’s bed, shaking the other just softly. Somehow, he feels like he doesn’t have the right to pull him up and embrace him, even if he's just trying to help, so he decides that he won’t do that right away because there's a possibility that Komaeda will wake up with just a single shake.

 

Komaeda just turns his head to the side when Hinata shakes him, his eyebrows furrowing even more, making Hinata feel that his gesture wasn’t helpful at all even just slightly. He takes a deep breath before he pulls Komaeda by the arm—slowly and gently so that Komaeda won’t get startled—and wraps him in a hesitant embrace.

 

He runs his hands on Komaeda’s back in an effort to sooth the other. He just hopes that his actions will be effective because this would have worked on him right away if it was Komaeda doing it.

 

“Komaeda…?” Hinata whispers as he continues rubbing his hand on Komaeda’s back. “You should wake up…”

 

“…I'm really sorry.”

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Hinata wonders once again what he's dreaming about. “Everything’s okay.”

 

Komaeda starts struggling, and Hinata was momentarily scared because he thought Komaeda woke up and was disgusted with the fact that Hinata was holding him as he slept, when he realizes that Komaeda still had his eyes closed.

 

Both possibilities were worrying—Komaeda struggling at the moment because of his nightmare and him struggling because he was disgusted—and since it was luckily the first possibility, Hinata decides to just tighten his hold on Komaeda, one of his hands transferring to run his fingers through Komaeda’s hair. Even if he thinks that his gestures aren’t of help at all, somehow, he can’t bring himself to just do nothing.

 

“Komaeda, calm down, it’s okay,” He tries again anyway. That’s something that he knows he can do, at least. Komaeda settles down, his movements ceasing, and Hinata lets out a sigh of relief. “It’s okay…”

 

Komaeda seems to have calmed down, at least.

 

“T-They didn’t like me…” Hinata was surprised when Komaeda speaks. His voice was steady even if he seems to be shaking slightly, prompting Hinata to continue running his fingers through Komaeda’s hair as softly as he can. “Haha, I mean that’s understandable… I'm just a no-good person and—”

 

“…Wait, what are you talking about?” Hinata pulls away a bit, looking at Komaeda’s face. Komaeda looked shaken and lost, as if confused about the fact that he's just here in their room without whatever it was in his dream. “Calm down first… You were just having a bad dream.”

 

“A bad dream…” Komaeda blinks as if Hinata said something weird. It takes a few seconds before something seems to have clicked in Komaeda’s mind, and he slowly nods. “…I see. Right, that’s how it is... I'm sorry for troubling you, Hinata-kun. Really, I am.”

 

“No, no, it’s not a trouble.” Hinata hates it whenever Komaeda says that because he has never ever been a trouble. “Do you want to talk about it, or…?”

 

“No, I'm okay.” And Hinata also hates it whenever he says that during the times he's obviously not. “I'm okay. It’s okay.”

 

“No, you're not. No, it’s not.” Hinata decides to say even if the nagging thought that the reason why Komaeda is saying it’s okay is because he doesn’t want to talk about it with Hinata. “You can tell me what it is, you know…”

 

“Haha, it’s just… it’s an embarrassingly petty dream.” Komaeda chuckles as he says, and that must be what Hinata hates the most. He hates it when Komaeda shrugs himself off with a carefree smile or a light chuckle, acting like his issues—he himself—are insignificant. “I was just being shallow, see? Hinata-kun, you shouldn’t worry.”

 

“It’s obviously not shallow if it had you being bothered by it until your sleep.” Hinata’s worried that he might be being too pushy at the moment. “I’ll listen to you. Please.”

 

“Okay, if you insist…” Komaeda says, pausing for a while. “Can I text Naegi-kun first though? I have something to tell him.”

 

The moment Hinata hears that, he instinctively moves away—really, he didn’t even think about it—just like how he would have reacted if his skin comes in contact with something painfully hot. He could have sworn too that he felt actual pain for a second, like his hands should rightfully be blistering any moment soon, and really, he wouldn’t be surprised if that does happen.

 

Mere words hurt.

 

Mere words burn.

 

Unbelievable.

 

“Ah, right,” He manages out. He congratulates himself for not sounding like he's merely squeaking the word out. “Sorry.”

 

“It’s not a problem, Hinata-kun. Please wait a bit.”

 

Even his scooting out of the way was something instinctive.

 

He wonders if there will come a time too when even leaving will be instinctive for him.

 

He doubts that, even if he does acknowledge that that may be the optimal choice to go with.

 

\--

 

Hinata has been looking forward to spending time with Komaeda so much, so he doesn’t want to accept the fact that all throughout the night that they're supposed to be having fun, all he has been feeling is that usual prickling in his chest and a strong sense of frustration.

 

He wonders why he keeps on tricking himself that being with Komaeda is relaxing when in reality, he knows that that peace he feels whenever they're together doesn’t really last because their conversation will always, _always_ have to spiral to that direction that Hinata doesn’t really like talking about.

 

He wonders why he insists on spending time with Komaeda when he knows that he’ll just get hurt.

 

He wonders why he keeps on trying hard even in situations that will undoubtedly be nothing but harmful to himself.

 

He wonders, really.

 

\--

 

When Hinata wakes up the next day, he’d be lying if he says that he isn’t nervous. He’ll find out about his test’s results today. Whatever outcome they might have—either passing or failing—it will have a consequence that Hinata will have to greatly mentally prepare for.

 

If he passes, he better get ready to be rejected by Komaeda and ruin their friendship in the process.

 

If he fails…

 

Well, he better get ready to do something really desperate like allowing himself to get cut open.

 

Hinata got almost scared to proceed with this day. The moment he woke up, it felt really easier to just let himself be glued on his soft bed forever. For a while, actually, it felt like the better option over actually getting his responsibilities as a student, as _Hope’s Peak’s Student_ , accomplished.

 

It doesn’t take too long though before he himself snaps out of that mentality.

 

He has to get up today. He can’t stay in today of all days.

 

This day—no matter if that news he's waiting for is pleasant or not—there's no denying that the news that he’ll receive will be important to him, to his life, to his future, and basically everything that he values at the moment. Whatever result comes out, it will impact him heavily, and with that thought, his nervousness starts to deepen as he desperately tries to tell himself that things will probably end well.

 

He decides to hope for now.

 

\--

 

“The fuck, man, are you okay?” Hinata hears Souda’s voice as the latter sits down on the chair beside him, making a face. “You seem super fidgety or something… What happened?”

 

“I'm fidgety?” Hinata inwardly curses his nervousness for evidently manifesting. It’s true. He can feel it himself that he can’t seem to sit still—always turning to the door each time it makes the slightest sound, turning to it if it doesn’t make a sound every five minutes just in case he might have missed something, looking at everyone who walks in the room—he's just expecting that one of the researchers will most probably excuse him anytime this day, after all. Part of him also doesn’t want to know the result—that way, he can stay in this standstill forever where he won’t have to confess to Komaeda nor won’t he have to have himself cut open, but of course that means he’ll continue having to study for hours and hours just to be deserving of his place in the main course. “You're just imagining things… I'm just like the usual.”

 

“You might think I'm stupid, but one thing that I'm sure about is that I'm not blind, man. You're fidgeting all over the place.” Souda stares at him. “Come on, spill it.”

 

“I have nothing to spill.” Hinata raises both of his hands as if surrendering, but he looks at the door anyway as he does so. “Really.”

 

“That sounds so fake.” Souda rolls his eyes. “But okay, I ain't gonna force you if you don’t wanna talk about it.”

 

“Thanks.” Hinata realizes that that was the wrong response, so he immediately follows up. “There's nothing to talk about, though.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever you say.”

 

Hinata takes one last look to the door as their teacher enters the room.

 

Well, one last look for the hour, at least.

 

\--

 

Hinata gets a little anxious when lunch time already arrives and he still hasn’t been excused by any of the researchers. It’s just one paper, after all, so he expects that they can be done checking it in less than an hour. If anything, he actually expected to know his result already as early as his first or second class.

 

It’s not like he's not used to waiting. Sometimes, he even feels like that’s all he does. Waiting for classes to end, waiting to return to the dorm, waiting for Komaeda to come home—and now, he's waiting for his results, something that will break whatever routine he has.

 

He's worried that his paper might have disappeared because he might have forgotten to put a paperweight, after all, despite clearly remembering that he did. He's worried because even if he did put a paperweight, maybe, somehow, his paper managed to fly away from the table Hinata left it, and the reason why the researchers are delaying so much is because there actually isn’t a paper to check. He's worried that he might have missed something, and that because of a mistake that he hasn’t even realized, he could have possibly ruined his chance of actually attaining something.

 

He wants to go to their office himself and check what's going on because that will help him get some peace of mind, but there was also a chance that they really are just not done yet, and he might get viewed as impatient and rude if he goes there without notice.

 

He lets out a sigh as he looks up—he doesn’t even realize that he was already staring at his armchair as if it personally offended him—and he looks back down when he sees Komaeda happily skipping to outside their room because Naegi is already there to fetch him.

 

Hinata doesn’t need to see that now.

 

\--

 

“Hinata, the fuck’s wrong with you?” As they're waiting for the next class after lunch time, it’s Kuzuryuu who sits down beside Hinata this time. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he looked pissed off at first sight, but upon looking closer, Hinata can see that he's actually worried. “I thought you seemed nervous about something. Peko and the others noticed it too. What's wrong?”

 

Kuzuryuu is nothing like Souda who'll let this pass if he just says that it’s nothing. So Hinata sighs, letting out a proper response, at least. Of course he can’t tell the truth—that he took a test that might or might not reconsider him to the main course, because surprise, he's not actually one of them in the first place—so he decides this is good enough for now. “I'm just waiting for something important… I expected it to arrive earlier during the morning, so I'm pretty nervous that it’s not yet here.”

 

Kuzuryuu quirks an eyebrow. “What something are you talking about?”

 

“Uh, the quiz bee. You know, the one I joined yesterday. I was absent, remember? It’s because of that. The first round of the quiz bee was like a typical test so that they can filter the participants.” Hinata hates having to lie through his teeth. “And I was just wondering if I got in the second round… That’s all.”

 

“Right.” Kuzuryuu nods, his eyes softening a bit. “The teacher did say something about that… Yeah, don’t let it get to your head, but we actually think you're pretty smart, you know. We all think… that you can get in the second round.”

 

Hinata hates having to lie through his teeth because his classmates don’t deserve that. His classmates are good people—all of them, even those that won’t seem like that way at first sight—and they really should have someone better with them. Not a liar, not someone unremarkable, not someone like him. But Hinata smiles anyway, ignoring the bitter aftertaste that it has left his mouth. “Thanks, Kuzuryuu. That means a lot.”

 

“Y-Yeah, I know, so stop being so nervous now, geez!” Kuzuryuu goes back to frowning, but Hinata can tell that he was a bit relieved. “It’s so annoying watching you, and you're worrying everyone!”

 

Everyone—each one of them, not just Komaeda—they all deserve to know the truth about him.

 

\--

 

Hinata feels like he can’t stand up in nervousness anymore the moment the bell for the dismissal time rings. Class is already over, yet he still hasn’t been excused. His mind is already finalizing that he probably did lose his paper because he's stupid, and he's already automatically marked failed in the test by default.

 

They'd think that he didn’t pass the paper on purpose because he has given up, being too stupid to answer the questions, and they're already preparing the necessary things to return him back to the Reserve Course—

 

No, no. He forces himself to clear his head.

 

He can’t just conclude that. There are a lot of outside factors that could have influenced this. Maybe they're busy about something. After all, they did mention that there was an emergency yesterday. Maybe the emergency has extended until today and they just made a mistake in their estimation. Maybe the paper hasn’t been checked yet, and that’s the only reason why he hasn’t been called yet.

 

Or maybe they have checked it already sometime this afternoon, but they didn’t actually want to interrupt Hinata in the middle of classes, so they planned to just call him tomorrow morning. There are a lot of other pleasant possibilities compared to him losing the paper for some magical reason.

 

Chanting the positive probabilities in his mind, he slings his bag on his shoulder and decides to at least check on the result in the office. After all, if the last possibility that he has entertained turns out to be the correct one, then he’ll find out if he goes right now.

 

He's going to stay hopeful, he chants. He's going to stay hopeful no matter what.

 

“Hinata-kun?” Hinata hears Komaeda’s voice, and he immediately looks up in surprise. Komaeda was standing outside the classroom—he thought he left already, presumably with Naegi—and he smiles when Hinata looks at him. “Do you want to go back to the dorm together?”

 

Hinata’s mind immediately draws a blank. He didn’t immediately absorb what's happening. There is Komaeda in front of him. For some reason, he's not hanging out with Naegi right now. And even weirder was that he's asking Hinata if they can go back to the dorm together.

 

Hinata finds himself blinking. “…Huh?”

 

Komaeda immediately panics. “I'm sorry, I mean, I'm not forcing you, I was just wondering if you wanted to because Naegi-kun said he's going to take care of something this afternoon, and I thought it’s been a while since we actually went home together, but if there's something that you're going to do—”

 

“No, no, sorry, it’s not like I didn’t want to.” Hinata interrupts right away. “I was just surprised… I guess I wasn’t expecting it.”

 

“Ah, I see… It really has been a while, after all…”

 

“I really want to. Really.” Hinata says. “But I have to do something right now… I promise to go home as early as possible though, okay?”

 

“Oh, it’s okay.” Komaeda nods, smiling again. “Good luck with whatever that is! Let’s just talk later in the dorm. Bye, Hinata-kun!”

 

“Alright, see you later.”

 

As Komaeda shows him a wave and turns his back away, Hinata realizes that he must have made the wrong choice because if he sees his results, no matter what they are, then that means that it might take another overly long time for the two of them to be able to walk together to the dorm room again.

 

\--

 

Hinata’s legs might as well be made of jelly as he stands outside the office of the researchers. His heart won’t stop beating fast, his stomach won’t stop doing those funny somersaults, and the brief thought of just running back to the dorm crosses his mind.

 

Before he acts on that stupid thought, he forces himself to lift a fist and gently knock on the door thrice. As soon as he does, his heart seems to start hammering against his chest even faster, and somehow, he wishes that he really should have just gone home, after all.

 

The door opens and his stomach feels like it got hit with a flying blender. Or maybe that’s an exaggeration, but he was feeling so uncomfortably nervous especially when he makes eye contact with the researcher, the one whom he usually talks with.

 

The researcher narrows his eyes at him, and Hinata’s nervousness starts to get accompanied with a bit of worry. “If it isn’t Hinata-kun. Why are you here?”

 

“Um,” It’s not like it’s unusual for the researcher to be not exactly polite to him, but something seems different today somehow. Something that actually makes Hinata not want to retort. “I was just wondering if I could see my results now… I was waiting the entire day to be called, so I got worried when dismissal time has come and it still wasn’t done… but if you guys haven’t checked it yet, then I can come back tomorrow.”

 

“Are you serious?” The researcher frowns. “You really are an impertinent child. I am surprised that you still can show up here and speak with a straight face.”

 

“Excuse me?” Hinata furrows his eyebrows. Yes, this researcher has always been slightly disrespectful, but he has never been this direct to the point before. He usually just keeps it passive-aggressive and subtle, and never something like this. “Sorry, did I do anything wrong?”

 

“Did you do anything wrong, Hinata-kun?” The researcher crosses his arms. “I throw the question right back at you.”

 

“I…” Hinata slowly shakes his head. As far as he knows, he doesn’t think he did anything wrong, but if the researcher is acting like this, then there must have been something. “Honestly, I don’t know. If I did though, please tell me.”

 

“I am really disappointed in you, Hinata-kun.” The researcher purses his lips together before continuing. “It is not just me, either. Everyone else is, too. We put our beliefs in you, but you let all of us down, and what is even more disappointing is that you dare to waltz in here and act like you did nothing wrong.”

 

“Wait, just wait, I'm—” Hinata shakes his head. “I'm honestly confused, sir. I honestly don’t know what you're talking about. Did I fail? Is that why you guys are disappointed? If so, then please don’t act like I did it on purpose—”

 

“What are you even trying to prove, Hinata-kun?”

 

“…Huh?” Hinata furrows his eyebrows. “I'm—I don’t want to fail. I'm sure you of all people would know that. I know we’re not exactly friendly with each other, but you see how much effort I do and how much stress I feel whenever we talk about even having to return to the Reserve Course! I’ve been trying so hard—you inspect my grades in a regular basis—so you'd know. You'd know. That if I fail, it’s not because I want to… so please stop talking like it’s something that I wished for.”

 

“Do you want to deliver another spiel? I could open up an opportunity for you as the Super High School Level Actor.”

 

“I'm not acting! I'm saying the truth!”

 

Hinata sees one of the other researchers approach, handing a familiar sheet of paper to the researcher that he's talking to, and immediately goes to leave. That must be his answer sheet. He doesn’t want to see it anymore because he knows that it will feel like a slap across his face, but he also wants to know how horrible his score is to cause this kind of reaction.

 

He feels greatly ashamed for thinking at all and even saying out loud that he thought the test was easy.

 

He feels a prickle at the corners of his eyes when the researcher thrusts the paper to his hands, but he tries his best to fight it. He's not yet reading it, he hasn’t seen anything yet, but somehow, he already feels like crying. Maybe, despite never forgetting about the consequence of failing, deep down, he really expected and hoped that he would pass.

 

The test really was easier than he thought. The items that he left blank didn’t even reach one-fourth of the whole exam. So he doesn’t understand why he seems to have gotten a largely unpleasant result to the point that the researcher finds the need to express his disappointment—

 

Time stops when he finally sees the paper.

 

He can’t understand anything.

 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that you did not do anything wrong, Hinata-kun.” The researcher speaks again now that Hinata has his paper in hand. “Were you trying to prove a point about your mathematical prowess because of that argument that we had that certain time? Did you think that if you pull a stunt like this, we would have been impressed?”

 

He can’t understand anything.

 

“You got a total of ninety percent for the Mathematics subtest.” The researcher speaks. “Since this is obviously the only reason why you showed up here, then now, you may leave. We will notify you when we are ready to return you to the Reserve Course—”

 

“W-Wait a moment! I—I don’t know what happened, but I swear—” Hinata shakes his head. He doesn’t know what he's trying to say, hell, he doesn’t know what he should be saying right now, but all he knows is that whatever this is, this will cause him to back to the Reserve Course, something that he doesn’t want to happen. “I didn’t do this. I didn’t do this. I swear, please believe me—”

 

“Your lies are pointless, Hinata-kun. Are you telling me that the paper is lying?” The researcher takes the paper from him and waves it in front of his face. Hinata feels the need to disappear then and there. “You did not answer everything except from the Math subtest. You must have thought that that would have made you seem remarkable. Well, as you can see now, none of us were impressed at all with your actions. We deeply believed that you could have passed—no, you could even have aced it, Hinata-kun. You were good enough to do so. But this behavior of yours—”

 

“I answered them! I promise, I swear, I answered all of them! I even remember what order I answered the subtests! I can even tell you all the stories that you guys used for Reading Comprehension!” The tears are getting harder to fight. Would it be acceptable if he cries at the moment? “I swear, I would never do something like this, you know how much that test means to me, please—”

 

“You knowing about the questions does not prove that you answered them, Hinata-kun. You are better than this. Just go back to your dormitory and save both of us the trouble—”

 

“No, no, look, I can’t, I can’t just accept this! Because I swear I didn’t do it! I really answered everything! Why would I stay in that room for seven hours and do nothing? Why would I risk my place in the main course just to prove something? I'm not that immature!” The thought of someone from the main course walking by and hearing his words despite it being past dismissal time passes through his head, but right now, he can’t even bring himself to care. “I’ll never do that… I swear, I’ll never do that. Please believe me.”

 

“Hinata-kun, it will be best if you leave now.”

 

“No, look,” Hinata desperately searches his mind for something to say. “Matsuda—Matsuda is here, isn’t he? You can ask him. He was there when I was going to leave my paper on the desk. I swear I really answered everything—”

 

“I did ask him already as I heard that he was the last to leave the room, and he said that he was not able to look at your paper.” Hinata knows that, but his desperation just made him bring up Matsuda even if it was for naught. Of course Matsuda wasn’t able to see his paper. He left as soon as Hinata returned him Naegi’s pen, after all. “Hinata-kun, just leave.”

 

He still can’t understand anything.

 

But he's going to try and clear his head.

 

He answered the test. He knows that. He can’t possibly have dreamed every single detail of that. There's no way that the nervousness that changed into surprising calmness as the test progressed was something that he just dreamed about. There's no way that the relief that he felt each time he finished answering a subtest was something that he just dreamed about. There's no way that the rare confidence that he felt as he read through the questions that were actually easier than he expected was something that he just dreamed about.

 

He answered the test, but his answers to everything aside from the Math subtest were gone. His name was still there too on the top of the paper like it’s mocking him, mocking him for this happening, mocking him for being confused.

 

Why are his answers for the Math subtest still present while the others disappeared? He concludes that they disappeared—his name atop the paper was definitely his handwriting, so no one could have just produced another copy and turned in an incomplete one. What is a logical explanation for something written with ink disappearing?

 

“If we are done here, then I suggest you go back, Hinata-kun.” The researcher interrupts his thoughts. “Standby for future announcements.”

 

“W-Wait,” Hinata slowly shakes his head. “I get it. Hear me out… That pen—it had disappearing ink. That’s why my answers disappeared—”

 

“And why did you think that using a pen with invisible ink would be good?”

 

“I didn’t! I didn’t think it was good!” Hinata badly wants to just close his eyes. Maybe then he’d find out that this is actually a nightmare all along. “I didn’t even know—Naegi… no, Komaeda—Komaeda is the real owner of the pen. I didn’t know about it. I swear, if I knew, I wouldn’t—”

 

“Blaming other people now, Hinata-kun?” The researcher shakes his head. “It seems that we really overestimated you.”

 

“No, please hear me out—”

 

The door closes in front of him.

 

The door closes in front of his hope.

 

\--

 

“Ah, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda looks up from a book as soon as Hinata enters the room. His smile was like the usual—that beautiful lovely smile that might have been the reason why Hinata fell in love with him in the first place—but right now, Hinata can’t even feel the usual warmth that it causes him. “Welcome back!”

 

That smile that would normally make him feel so comforted is just making him feel angry right now. He wants to remove that smile off that face because it’s full of lies, full of bullshit—he badly wants to _hurt_ —

 

Wait.

 

What?

 

Hinata notices that he's still shaken up.

 

What was he thinking? He’d never hurt Komaeda, he’d never do something like that—

 

“Hinata-kun, is something the matter?” The smile was gone, and it was replaced by a worried look. Hinata realizes that it wasn’t the smile that he was angry about. He was just so, so angry seeing him at all, acting like everything’s okay when actually, he was full of tricks, full of—“Are you okay…?”

 

“Stop it, Komaeda.” Hinata clenches a fist. “I'm done.”

 

“Ah…” Komaeda looked confused. “…Sorry—”

 

“No, don’t—don’t play this game with me. I found out.” Hinata holds up a hand. Komaeda’s confusion just worsens even more, and Hinata would have stopped this in an instant, ready to dismiss it as yet another misunderstanding, with just that in normal circumstances. “I can’t, I can’t even start comprehending why you did something like that. I—you, you love Naegi… right? Then why didn’t you tell him?”

 

“Wait, Hinata-kun, I'm kinda lost—”

 

“You're smart. There's no way that a detail as important as that would just slip your mind.” Hinata shakes his head. “Didn’t you think of what would have happened? You called it a lucky pen—didn’t you think of what he could have done with it? He could have used it in an important exam thinking of you, he could have written a required essay thinking of you, hell, he could have lent it to someone thinking of you saying that it’s a lucky pen, but was it all just a prank to you? Were you making fun of him? I never thought that you'd be capable of doing something like that, Komaeda, I trusted you—”

 

“Wait, wait, Hinata-kun, please calm down for a second…” Komaeda furrows his eyebrows, slowly shaking his head too. “…What are you talking about? What lucky pen? What prank…? Did I do something?”

 

“God, I can’t believe that you're still acting dumb right now.” Hinata opens and closes his fists as an effort to calm himself down. “Admit it already. It would be easier for the two of us if you just stop lying right now. I don’t know if I have the right to be angry, but I—I can’t think of a good reason without anything unpleasant behind it for you to give him that. I can’t believe that you're like that—”

 

“Hinata-kun, I really don’t know what you're talking about!” Komaeda looks like he's about to panic. “I swear, I'm really confused right now… You're not making any sense at all…”

 

“Stop it, Komaeda!” He sees Komaeda slightly flinching when he raises his voice. Komaeda seemed honestly surprised—Hinata notices that there was a hint of worry and maybe slight fear (Fear of him? Fear of what's happening? Hinata doesn’t really understand anymore) too—and he briefly realizes that this must be the first time that he has raised his voice at him in anger.

 

Hinata thought that his decision was solid. He thought that he was really angry, that he wholly believed that Komaeda was a liar who wanted to make a distasteful prank that can possibly ruin the life of someone he claimed he loved, but right now as they stare at each other, what Hinata did is starting to feel wrong with each second.

 

With each second that he's looking at Komaeda’s eyes—Komaeda’s eyes that seem to be actively searching his own for answers out of confusion, out of total cluelessness regarding what Hinata is accusing him about, his eyes that seem to be moving about in fear of what's happening because he seems to have angered Hinata without even knowing why—with each second, Hinata’s own confusion starts to grow and grow.

 

Hinata takes a deep sigh, closing his eyes as he massages his head with his hands.

 

“Hinata-kun…”

 

“…I don’t know what to think anymore.”

 

“I'm sorry… I seem to have done something wrong since I obviously have upset you. If it’s okay, can you talk about it more clearly? Because I really don’t get it…”

 

“I don’t know what to think anymore.” Hinata repeats, shaking his head. “I don’t understand this. I don’t understand what's going on. I don’t even know if you're saying the truth—I feel that you are, but I'm only trusting my gut here, and frankly, I don’t want to trust in my gut anymore. I always get things wrong, I always misread things, I always assume things, and the truth always turns out to be so far from what I thought—I just, I just don’t get it. I don’t get it.”

 

“I'm sorry, but I don’t understand anything either… I know I'm useless, but if you elaborate, maybe I’d be able to help out, at least?”

 

“Just tell me the truth.” Hinata’s really tired. “Tell me the truth, Komaeda… Did you give Naegi a pen with disappearing ink?”

 

Komaeda furrows his eyebrows again, his confusion getting more evident, as he shakes his head. “I know nothing about a pen like that, I promise…”

 

“…How do I know you're saying the truth?”

 

“I…” Komaeda bites his lower lip. “Well… You know that I always give out gifts that have been customized to some extent, right? Was the pen that you're pertaining to customized at all?”

 

Hinata does his best to recall. He used that pen for five hours and thirty minutes, so he shouldn’t forget about how it looks like. The pen looked like those that can be bought in almost all stores—a transparent body that shows the thin container of ink inside, a pen cap so common that it can probably be replaced with one of a different pen’s… It had no hint of personalization at all.

 

Is that really enough proof though?

 

“If it’s customized, then I guess that’s how unlucky I am… I won’t be able to say anything anymore that can prove my innocence.” Komaeda bites his lower lip again. “So I'm hoping that it isn’t customized at all... but if the conclusion that Hinata comes to is that I really gave Naegi-kun a pen, then I won’t object.”

 

Accompanying the feeling of doing something wrong was guilt. Hinata was so, so guilty that he actually won’t mind if the floor he's standing on would break in half and have him fall in an abyss somewhere, never to come back, because as he stares at Komaeda who seems ready to just accept whatever is thrown at him, he gets the feeling that he probably misunderstood something here again.

 

But if it’s not Komaeda who aims to deceive in this situation—

 

If it’s not Komaeda, then that only leaves one person. This possibility is not less confusing than the other, and Hinata frankly doesn’t want to accept either of them, but the consequences of whatever this is are too real for him to just dismiss.

 

He failed his test because of whatever this is. He looked like an ill-mannered person who doesn’t know his place, he looked like someone who would pull a rather stupid stunt just to prove a trivial point, and worse, his supposedly secure position in the main course is now gone because of this.

 

He clenches his fists and storms outside of their dorm room, ignoring Komaeda’s voice calling after him.

 

That person— If Komaeda is saying the truth, then that only means that _that person_ is lying.

 

\--

 

An unbelievable happening such as this isn't what Hinata anticipated.

 

Participating in an experiment, working hard so that he'll get good grades—

 

Reading was something that he always did, to the point that he took comfort in it.

 

It never occurred to him that something could have interfered—

 

Losing everything he has worked for wasn’t something he has anticipated.

 

For so long, he has placed his trust in Naegi. It was pretty much difficult not to.

 

One would never think that Naegi’s actions—all of them—were possibly false.

 

Or maybe someone smart would, but Hinata isn’t smart at all.

 

'Lower than garbage', Komaeda would say, if he knows the truth, and—

 

Stupid—Hinata knows he's stupid, but he can’t let this slide without trying.

**Author's Note:**

> Regarding my note earlier, the secret message is hidden in the last ten lines. Lines, not sentences, alright? Be careful! That's a very dangerous mistake!
> 
> Good luck!


End file.
